First Grade Here He Comes!

There goes my baby! First Grade in a brand new school. I can't believe how grown up he is! Today started the beginning of a new school year. Although I was definitely ready for summer to be over I was still sad to see him go this morning. We found out the end of last week that they did not have room for him at his old school in Manhattan. That combined with the fact that our home has still not sold brought us to the decision to pull our house off the market and put him into the local school here in Wamego one block from our home. It only makes sense. We can walk to school everyday and now he will be able to make friends locally. Kevin will no longer have to worry about us moving when he is gone. We will stay put until the end of the school year and try and put the house on the market next summer.

This school starts 35 minutes earlier than our old school so you can imagine the moans and groans I got this morning trying to get him out of bed. It will take a good two weeks for us to get into a new routine. Bedtime can no longer be midnight and he can no longer sleep in until 10 a.m.

I couldn't help but be a mess of nerves and scared for him as I dropped him off at a brand new school. He held my hand as we walked in, but as soon as we found his classroom he went into Joe Cool mode and I was quickly forgotten. He dropped my hand and wanted nothing to do with me. At 3:20 when I pick him up I'll probably get the standard response when I ask about his day. Boring as usual. I only hope that I see a grin on his face with that response.

ADT Secured

We have security! After weighing all of our options ADT came and installed our security system Monday. When the installer arrived I was immediately feeling uncomfortable. For whatever reason my stomach was in knots and I felt as if something was just not right. I couldn't figure out if it was just simply the fear of the whole situation with my husband leaving becoming more and more of a reality, or the fact that the installer looked like he just stepped out of an episode of America's Most Wanted. I quickly started thinking the worst. Kevin felt fine about the events so I tried to relax once everything was installed and the installer was out of my house and on his way.

The next morning I walked into the kitchen to inspect the work. Now keep in mind that my husband was suppose to oversee this work as it was taking place. When I turned the corner to the top of my basement steps I was far from pleased with what I saw! The phone jack cover they had installed on the back side of our wall was way to wide to allow us access to our pull down attic door. Not only that, but there was now a very large obnoxious hole filled with silicone in my wall. I was immediately on the phone with my husband and the ADT rep.

Our ADT reps solution was to come over and create a bigger hole shoving the phone jack into the wall as to allow us access to our attic. What! I don't think so! His second solution was to cover everything with a metal plate. Wow! A metal plate. Why didn't I think of that. I mean that would make my wall look so much better!!

So, the solution is that we don't have a solution at this point. Regardless of the hole, we now have security to help us sleep better at night when Kevin leaves. I will no longer have to go searching for my bread knife when I hear a strange noise in the middle of the night. Ok, I'm lying. I will most likely still sleep with it next to the bed. Who am I really kidding! Kevin honey, you can now sleep peacefully in Iraq knowing that ADT is watching over us. Although like me I know you won't.

Just Another Saturday

You can find me in the closet. That's right! Curled up quietly thinking and having a good cry. That's what I needed today. If you've never found yourself in the closet you should try it sometime. I can't begin to tell you how quiet and therapeutic it is. No one knows where you are. Just you and the clothes.

Of course it never lasts long enough. Before you know it someone is crying and needs to be held, or someone is calling your name. Five minutes without Mama and the whole house falls apart. At least that's how it can feel. On one hand it's endearing that your family needs you to get through every moment of the day, but on the other hand it means becoming completely selfless as you devote every second to your family and their needs placing your own somewhere way beyond reach.

When you become a mom you officially write off all privacy and selfishness. I can't even begin to tell you the last time I went to the bathroom alone. Someone is always with me. Someone is following behind my heels or attached to my hip until I brush my teeth and climb into bed at night. Oh but it does not stop there. Gracie is currently co-sleeping and lately for whatever reason Jonah is finding his way to the bottom of our bed in the middle of the night too. As I type this Jonah is right here next to me talking away about the latest toy he is saving for while pulling my hair!!

Alone time is rare so I take it when and where I can. Grabbing those quick seconds for a deep breathe and a good cry make me a better mom at the end of the day. Someones crying and it's not me. My five minutes are up.

He did it!

He did it! Jonah is officially riding on two wheels! All of that non-stop complaining, and yesterday he took off. Once he got it there was no stopping him. Up and down the sidewalk he rode, over and over again! The best part about it was how proud of himself he was. When we came inside I told him that he definitely deserved a big bowl of chocolate ice cream and some cartoons. He spent the rest of the day grinning ear to ear and talking about it nonstop. Later he came up to me, told me he loved me, gave me a kiss, and said, "Thanks Mama." Wow! Those heart melting words bring all the complaining full circle. Thanks!

Just a little nap.

Today I have a horrible headache. I wanted nothing more than to lay down with my baby girl and take a little nap. Try as I may I can't! I can never nap! What is wrong with me? No matter when or what the circumstances I can never nap! Give birth. Nope! Work an eighteen hour day. Nope! My mind will not shut off. I'm always thinking about what I should be getting done or if my children are breathing and ok.

I blame my father for this looming nap guilt that is always running through my head. Growing up you did not dream of laying on the couch doing nothing. If my sisters and I saw our father pulling in the driveway we would sprint off the couch and race into action pretending that we had been doing something productive. If he was working so were you.

So to this day I can't nap. My husband can lay down for two minutes and be out cold. He likes to say that he's trained to nap anywhere due to being in the military, as catching a quick nap is essential in combat. Maybe I need to enlist in the army to learn this skill. It simply just comes down to me being way to high strung!

At least Gracie can nap. She never naps long, my little cat napper, but she does love to nap off and on all day long.

The Grass Is Always Greener

No matter what we do in life we are never satisfied. We always want the next best thing. We always need and want more. This applies to every aspect of our lives. The two most significant being our careers and our relationships. We go through life constantly living as if the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The side that your not on of course. When do we accept our grass and be happy with it? Do we ever? Should we ever?

When I look back at my career there was never a moment where I was satisfied. I was always reaching for the next best thing. Bigger, better, more! When your working you wish you weren't working, but when your not working you wish you were working. Huh?

I couldn't wait to finally be given the opportunity to stay home with my children. Now that I finally am I'm torn daily with that inner struggle wanting validation that I can only receive from a work environment. I would never give this up, but I would be lying if I said I loved every second of it. It challenges my spirit daily. The rewards and validation come through seeing my children laugh & smile. Seeing Gracie reach every milestone. Getting to hold her as much and as long as I want to everyday. Seeing how much Jonah's behavior has changed in such a short time by finally just being here for him. After years of tossing Jonah in daycare after daycare and coming home too exhausted to give him what he needed. The slightest mention of me going back to work brings on instant tears. That to me speaks mountains about what my children need from me.

These are the things I remind myself of every time I start to sway towards the grass on the other side of the fence. My children come first. The sacrifice is worth the rewards. I will have plenty of time for that greener grass later in life. If in the end it turns out that this is as green as it gets, well then I'm ok with that too!

Baby Poop

Warning! Yes this post is about poop!

For whatever reason boys are fascinated with poop. This became clear with Jonah early on. We went through phases with every bathroom word where it was so hilarious to him resulting in using it well beyond the capacity that he should have. To make it less of a big deal we tried to remain open and talk about these words as if they weren't a big deal. I even bought ever book I could find on the subject to decorate my bathroom with. "The Truth About Poop." "Everyone Poops." "The Gas We Pass." "Once Upon A Potty." "Walter The Farting Dog." On a recent visit my mother in law was far from impressed with this bathroom reading.

He's a boy. Boys are made of Frogs, Snails, & Puppy-dogs' tails. I continue to learn from him daily, and a boys fascination with all things gross is part of their DNA. I grew up with two sisters so this is all new to me. It was thus not surprising when Jonah took a high curiosity to his sisters poop. He acted disgusted, but yet couldn't help but want to see every dirty diaper that Gracie produced. He would then fall to the floor screaming in disgust and run from the room. He began telling everyone we encountered about his sisters glowing poop. Yes to him it seemed to glow.

This week his newest baby poop game has become decontaminating the sector, aka the diaper pail. He puts on his spider man mask, power ranger gloves, and grabs his toy grip claw and heads for the pail. He then takes it into the bathroom and with his claw decontaminates each diaper by removing them from the diaper pail and placing them into the trash can. Cheap entertainment at it's finest! Now every diaper change is a family affair as Jonah stands by waiting for a glowing poop diaper to decontaminate. Time to decontaminate the sector! Somethings I will never understand.