Kissing Daddy Goodbye

Putting your husband on a plane to Iraq is a feeling that I hope few of you ever have to experience. The day leading up to the send off is pure agony! All of a sudden it is here. You go through life pretending and hoping that it won't really happen. In your mind you tell yourself that his number won't get called up. Troops will be pulled, and he won't have to leave again. Then when you can't pretend anymore the reality is unbearable.

Kevin and I spent the day trying to play catch up on our relationship. Apologizing for all the unnecessary anger, hurtful words, and actions throughout the past year. These meaningless things that many times overtook our relationship due to the deployment cloud that lingers in our lives. Kevin and Jonah tossed the football around in the backyard and ended the evening with a water balloon war. All of the things that life hasn't allowed you time to do you find yourself trying to soak up in your last few hours together. Time quickly becomes your enemy.

Kevin left in the middle of the night, so with the kids both snoring in the back we started the painful drive. When we arrived soldiers and families filled the parking lot. It is an unbelievable feeling to witness this site. Your heart wells up with grief for everyone around you. If it wasn't real before, without question it is now. At this point Kevin goes into protection/work mode. Me on the other hand just go into meltdown mode. My husband can't handle the wait or the pain so he requests that we say our goodbyes.

Last deployment our goodbye was short and sweet. It was our first and we didn't know what to expect or the pain involved. This deployment we know what to expect so the goodbye was heart wrenching. There are no words to describe it. How do you say goodbye to your partner for a year. How do you say goodbye knowing that you may never see each other again. How do you say goodbye to the father of your children knowing that now it's completely up to you to raise the kids. How do you say goodbye knowing that Gracie at 5 months doesn't know what's happening or that her Daddy is being taken away. She loves her Daddy! If I say, "Daddy's home, or where's Daddy," she instantly stops what she is doing and looks around to find him. A beautiful huge grinning smile at the sight of her Daddy. How do you say goodbye knowing that Jonah at 6 years old is now without his wrestling buddy and the strongest male influence in his life. My children losing those things hurts beyond anything else.

Suddenly what I am doing by staying home with the kids seems small and insignificant compared to what my husband is getting ready to go through. Saying goodbye to my husband, I have no words for. Pulling away and driving home was a daze. I found myself going 30mph in a 70mph zone on numerous occasions. I kept waiting to get pulled over, but hoping that once the police officer saw our windows painted with hearts, yellow ribbons, and SGT Ward our hero they would just keep driving by. Walking into our home at 4a.m. without our Daddy was a moment I was dreading. Losing that one element leaves the home with an quiet emptiness that is almost haunting.

The countdown begins. A long painful year waiting for the Army to bring Kevin home to us again. From this moment forward we live day by day and minute by minute. Keep Kevin in your thoughts and prayers until our hero is home safe.

Please Leave Your Shoes At The Door.

Anyone who has been in my home knows that I have a strict rule about shoes off in the house. To me there is nothing dirtier than the bottom of a shoe. If you don't believe me just retrace your steps for a couple of days and then I have no doubt you'll agree. Parking lots, public restroom floors, gas spills at the gas pump, animal feces, etc. If you want those kind of germs in your home that's fine, but when you are in mine they can stay outside where they belong.

I became OCD about this after the birth of Jonah. Kids live on the floor. Jonah at six years old is still on the floor in some capacity everyday. Gracie at 5 months old is on the floor all day everyday, and is usually putting her mouth on it as well. Most people are very respectful of the shoes off request, but then I always have the select few who just don't get it. I have a sign on my front door with a very simple request to kindly remove your shoes in respect of the little hands in our home. Despite this I still have the occasional guest that thinks it does not apply to them as if their shoes are somehow the exception to the rule. In Asian cultures you would not dream of entering the home with your shoes on. Why is it ok in ours?

If you need more reassurance as to what's on the bottom of your shoes and why you should re-think allowing them to remain on in your home check out the following link filled with shoe germ facts. Shoes at the door please!

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Consumer/Story?id=5177409&page=1

A Sunday Nap

So much to do and so little time to do it in. Our day has been filled with putting together Gracie's new crib, mounting the tv above the fireplace, baby proofing, and re-arranging lots of furniture to make everything fit into our cozy home. For the first time in two years since we have moved into this home I finally feel as if we are living here. I am pulling out photos and knick knacks I have had stored in boxes awaiting what I thought was a new move into a bigger home. Now that we made the decision to stay it finally feels like home. A Sunday nap was definitely deserved by Daddy. Baby joined too!

Teriyaki Chicken

This is a super easy crock pot dinner.

4-6 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts
10 oz. Soy Vay Veri Veri Teriyaki Sauce
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 bottle beer
1 Tbsp. black pepper

Pierce chicken on all sides with a fork or a meat tenderizer. Place all ingredients into a crock pot and cook on low for approximately 6 hours until falling apart. Serve over rice pilaf with a side of veggies. Enjoy!

Deployment Black Cloud

With deployment less than a week away the black cloud is creeping closer and closer. It hovers over our lives and engulfs every aspect of our family. From the time Kevin returns from one deployment, until he is on the plane again on his way towards another we feel the cloud hovering above us. It never truly leaves your mind making it impossible to relax and enjoy your lives together. You find yourself placing a protection barrier between yourself and the pain. It hurts too much to love each other, but on the other side of that it also hurts not to love each other.

Now we are deep in protection mode. Everyone is walking around on pins and needles with a melt down around every corner. No one wants to talk about it, but yet it's all around us. The sadness is so intense that no one can bare to look each other in the eyes let alone stop and come face to face with the pain.

Everything about deployment is painful and truly awful! All we can do is hold on for dear life day by day in anticipation of his return. I find myself hating everyone and everything as it creeps closer. All I want to do is crawl in bed and stay there until it's all over. Unfortunately for me that's not an option. My children need me to pretend to be strong when the cloud arrives and takes daddy away from us for a long year. It's here and it hurts!

Play Dough

Quick and easy homemade play dough recipe. We love this! It lasts several weeks in a zip lock bag.

1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
1 cup water
1 Tbsp. vegetable oil
2 tsp. cream of tarter

Heat all ingredients in a saucepan on medium low heat until a smooth ball forms. Add your child's favorite color of food coloring, and mix until blended. Allow to cool completely before you hand it off to the kiddos. Have fun!

Baby Teeth

Look at those cheeks!! I just couldn't resist posting this shot. Gracie yesterday at 20 weeks finding her thumb while we were sitting outside watching the trees. The right side of her mouth has really been putting her to the test as those baby teeth irritate her gums in their attempt to surface. We are definitely teething!