I just wanted to clear up that the post on things not to say to a military wife was not written by me. I just related to many of those points, and when I came across that list I felt it appropriate to share this week. I admittedly did tweak it though to relate to me.
It has been a trying week and I have heard the "at least your husbands not in Afghanistan" comment one too many times. I am very proud of Kevin and what he is doing on a daily basis and hate when it is downplayed. Just another hard week!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Things Not To Say To A Military Wife!
1. “Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?”
(This one ranks in at number one on the “duh” list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.)
2. “I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.”
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices. It's called love!)
3. “At least he’s not in Afghanistan.”
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Iraq. What do they think is happening in Iraq? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there just the same.)
4. “Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?”
(No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.)
5. “What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?”
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)
6. “How much longer does he have until he can get out?”
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they “can” get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. “This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.”
(Sure, we do learn coping skills but it doesn't get easier, it actually gets harder. The bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)
8. “My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.”
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment.)
9. “Wow you must miss him?”
(This one also gets another big “duh”. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.)
10. “Where is he exactly?
(For the safety of my husband please don't bother asking this question. Chances are I don't know, and if I do I'm not sharing that information for his protection.)
11. “Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that “You’re welcome.” He’s still fighting for your freedom.)
12. “Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!”
(hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)
13. “Well in my opinion…..”
(Stop right there. I didn’t ask for your personal political opinions, and no my husband does not think it's a waste of time. He can't think that way as he has to get up everyday and survive. He must feel as if what he is doing on a daily basis has a purpose, and it does!!)
last but not least….
14. “OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!”
(He’s doing his job and he’s tough. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)
If you want to say anything, say thank you.
(This one ranks in at number one on the “duh” list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.)
2. “I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.”
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices. It's called love!)
3. “At least he’s not in Afghanistan.”
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Iraq. What do they think is happening in Iraq? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there just the same.)
4. “Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?”
(No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.)
5. “What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?”
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)
6. “How much longer does he have until he can get out?”
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they “can” get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. “This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.”
(Sure, we do learn coping skills but it doesn't get easier, it actually gets harder. The bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)
8. “My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.”
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment.)
9. “Wow you must miss him?”
(This one also gets another big “duh”. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.)
10. “Where is he exactly?
(For the safety of my husband please don't bother asking this question. Chances are I don't know, and if I do I'm not sharing that information for his protection.)
11. “Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that “You’re welcome.” He’s still fighting for your freedom.)
12. “Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!”
(hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)
13. “Well in my opinion…..”
(Stop right there. I didn’t ask for your personal political opinions, and no my husband does not think it's a waste of time. He can't think that way as he has to get up everyday and survive. He must feel as if what he is doing on a daily basis has a purpose, and it does!!)
last but not least….
14. “OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!”
(He’s doing his job and he’s tough. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)
If you want to say anything, say thank you.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
To The Pumpkin Patch
Our weekend included a trip to the local pumpkin patch. The first thing Jonah wanted to do was the corn maze. Thirty minutes into the maze I started to worry if we would make it out. I had visions of sitting on the path nursing Gracie as we waited for help. We eventually made it through, and then it was off to search for pumpkins. Who knew they would charge a small fortune for pumpkin picking. $20 for a pumpkin was not in the family budget. I distracted Jonah by offering up a trip to town to purchase his Halloween costume with the money saved. I know what you're thinking, I'm a mean penny pinching Mom! We went for a pumpkin and came home empty handed! I know! I know already! I felt just awlful about it after we left. We still had a fun morning looking through the patch and exploring the maze. Gracie enjoyed it for all of ten minutes and decided a nap sounded better to her as you can tell by her sleepy eyes in the photo. It's always an adventure!
P.S.
Walmart Sells Pumpkins Any Size For $4.00!!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Happy Birthday Jonah!
7 years later and he is still screaming!!
I talked to my Dad on the phone on Jonah's birthday and he said, "Can you believe it's been seven years. Does it feel like it?" My response was not what he was expecting when I said, "Yes it has felt like seven years!" Jonah and I have been through some long hard years together. It seems like we never get to stop experiencing long hard years together as we are currently experiencing one as we speak.
Jonah has kept me on my toes since the day he was born. Every year has been a new adventure in parenting. He is the best and the worst all rolled into one on a daily basis. I wonder how many more years we can get away with calling him Boogie! Happy Birthday to my little boy! Suddenly not so little anymore.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Battle Of The Plungers!
Jonah celebrated his 7th Birthday today with family & friends Captain Underpants style. Jonah and his cousin Noah battled in the yard with plungers bought special for the occasion. Aside from the plungers the boys were armed with whoopie cushions, silly string, water grenades, & water guns. Jonah said it was the best birthday ever. I hear this statement every year and always wonder if I can make next year the best birthday ever once again. Somehow we always seem to make it memorable and fun. It's not everyday you get to decorate the house with underwear and pass out silly name tags like; Poopsie Toiletchunks & Loopy Wafflenose.
Every time the house is filled with the noise of family & friends I am so thankful for the yearly celebration of a birthday. We are all so busy with our day to day that it is fun to make the time to get together and fill your day with pizza, cheetos, cookies, candy, and ice cream cake. We are very blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives! Happy early birthday to my little booger monster!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Crazy Hat
Last night was crazy hat night at Awanas. Awana Club is a weekly kids' ministry that Jonah attends at the Methodist Church here in town. They have a weekly theme and this week was Crazy hat night. Jonah had a lot of fun hot gluing all sorts of items to a fishing hat. He thought there was a contest, but in the end there wasn't. By far he had the craziest hat out of 150 plus kids. He sure knows how to strike a pose!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Halloween Tutu
Tonight I finally got around to making Gracie's Halloween pumpkin tutu. It's now one a.m. in the morning, but at least it's done! I think it turned out super cute, and I can't wait to see her all dressed up for her first Halloween.
Monday, October 5, 2009
When It Comes Down To It.
Truth be told when it comes down too it no one really wants to listen to your day to day shit. Everyone is busy with their lives and although people are quick to say they are there for you, very few truely care about your day to day, or have the time to give you to pretend to care about it. That's ok though. It's suppose to be this way. This is normal. We get married and have a family for a reason. Our spouse is there everyday to listen to all of our day to day nonsense. Even if they don't want too, that's what they are there for. They are your sounding board. Good and bad. They let you talk and talk even if they aren't truly listening.
I miss my sounding board. It has been a long hard week. I don't like people to feel obligated to feel sorry for me so I tend to keep things to myself. I sat on the couch tonight for a good cry with Jonah and he said, "I miss him too Mama." I know your worried he might die. Oh boogie! I laughed out loud which was just what I needed to bring me back into my mom reality.
I have found myself calling my sisters and mom over every stupid little thing just to tell someone. I'm sure they are all considering blocking my number. I do get to touch base with Kevin everyday either via yahoo messenger or phone. This is both good and bad. The phone conversations are usually something like this;
Hello. Hello. Baby. Hello. You there. Hello. What happen. What. Hello. Love you. I think you said I love you. Ok. Hello. Love you. This sucks. Hello. Love you. Bye.
Internet is not much better. He is always on a time limit of ten minutes or less, and we are usually lucky if his connection doesn't freeze up, or if our kiddos are up for letting me sit and type to Daddy. Getting on the webcam always results in a freeze up. It makes you almost wish for the way it used to be before technology. Old fashion letter writing. Everyday communication is usually just painful disappointment. There is never enough time to say everything you want to say, and what you do get to say is usually misinterpreted via the communication sound waves we like to refer to as the Hodgie home wrecker.
It's just a hard lonely time where everyday is painfully the same. I find myself emotionally torn everyday as I want to cross the days off the calander to bring my husband home, but on the other side of that I don't want my baby girl to grow up so fast. She will be 15 months old when he gets home and that is too scarey to imagine. We just miss our Daddy!
I miss my sounding board. It has been a long hard week. I don't like people to feel obligated to feel sorry for me so I tend to keep things to myself. I sat on the couch tonight for a good cry with Jonah and he said, "I miss him too Mama." I know your worried he might die. Oh boogie! I laughed out loud which was just what I needed to bring me back into my mom reality.
I have found myself calling my sisters and mom over every stupid little thing just to tell someone. I'm sure they are all considering blocking my number. I do get to touch base with Kevin everyday either via yahoo messenger or phone. This is both good and bad. The phone conversations are usually something like this;
Hello. Hello. Baby. Hello. You there. Hello. What happen. What. Hello. Love you. I think you said I love you. Ok. Hello. Love you. This sucks. Hello. Love you. Bye.
Internet is not much better. He is always on a time limit of ten minutes or less, and we are usually lucky if his connection doesn't freeze up, or if our kiddos are up for letting me sit and type to Daddy. Getting on the webcam always results in a freeze up. It makes you almost wish for the way it used to be before technology. Old fashion letter writing. Everyday communication is usually just painful disappointment. There is never enough time to say everything you want to say, and what you do get to say is usually misinterpreted via the communication sound waves we like to refer to as the Hodgie home wrecker.
It's just a hard lonely time where everyday is painfully the same. I find myself emotionally torn everyday as I want to cross the days off the calander to bring my husband home, but on the other side of that I don't want my baby girl to grow up so fast. She will be 15 months old when he gets home and that is too scarey to imagine. We just miss our Daddy!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
