When It Comes Down To It.

Truth be told when it comes down too it no one really wants to listen to your day to day shit. Everyone is busy with their lives and although people are quick to say they are there for you, very few truely care about your day to day, or have the time to give you to pretend to care about it. That's ok though. It's suppose to be this way. This is normal. We get married and have a family for a reason. Our spouse is there everyday to listen to all of our day to day nonsense. Even if they don't want too, that's what they are there for. They are your sounding board. Good and bad. They let you talk and talk even if they aren't truly listening.

I miss my sounding board. It has been a long hard week. I don't like people to feel obligated to feel sorry for me so I tend to keep things to myself. I sat on the couch tonight for a good cry with Jonah and he said, "I miss him too Mama." I know your worried he might die. Oh boogie! I laughed out loud which was just what I needed to bring me back into my mom reality.

I have found myself calling my sisters and mom over every stupid little thing just to tell someone. I'm sure they are all considering blocking my number. I do get to touch base with Kevin everyday either via yahoo messenger or phone. This is both good and bad. The phone conversations are usually something like this;

Hello. Hello. Baby. Hello. You there. Hello. What happen. What. Hello. Love you. I think you said I love you. Ok. Hello. Love you. This sucks. Hello. Love you. Bye.

Internet is not much better. He is always on a time limit of ten minutes or less, and we are usually lucky if his connection doesn't freeze up, or if our kiddos are up for letting me sit and type to Daddy. Getting on the webcam always results in a freeze up. It makes you almost wish for the way it used to be before technology. Old fashion letter writing. Everyday communication is usually just painful disappointment. There is never enough time to say everything you want to say, and what you do get to say is usually misinterpreted via the communication sound waves we like to refer to as the Hodgie home wrecker.

It's just a hard lonely time where everyday is painfully the same. I find myself emotionally torn everyday as I want to cross the days off the calander to bring my husband home, but on the other side of that I don't want my baby girl to grow up so fast. She will be 15 months old when he gets home and that is too scarey to imagine. We just miss our Daddy!