My Monthly Wall

Today I am feeling the weight of being a single mom to deployment. Finding myself having to rely on the help of those around me is always a humbling experience. I hate asking for help. It is something I have never been good at. I always feel super guilty, and after the fact feel as if I have to come back with ten fold the kindness in return.

Today after three cancellations I attempted a dentist appointment with the help of a friend watching Gracie in the waiting room. Forty minutes in and my teeth had not even been cleaned yet. Gracie was quickly melting and I ended up having to leave and reschedule. It feels like this is a common occurrence for me. Every time I attempt to accomplish something it backfires. After all the prep and work of getting there, then nothing.

Today I am hitting my monthly wall. My wall of needing my husband home. Some weeks the days just flow along and we see the calender shrink bringing us closer to his return. Other weeks everyday feels impossibly long with no end in site. I am relishing in this wall with Chocolate Ice Cream and Lays cheese chips! One hundred thirty six days down. Only two hundred twenty nine to go!!!!