Deployment Black Cloud

With deployment less than a week away the black cloud is creeping closer and closer. It hovers over our lives and engulfs every aspect of our family. From the time Kevin returns from one deployment, until he is on the plane again on his way towards another we feel the cloud hovering above us. It never truly leaves your mind making it impossible to relax and enjoy your lives together. You find yourself placing a protection barrier between yourself and the pain. It hurts too much to love each other, but on the other side of that it also hurts not to love each other.

Now we are deep in protection mode. Everyone is walking around on pins and needles with a melt down around every corner. No one wants to talk about it, but yet it's all around us. The sadness is so intense that no one can bare to look each other in the eyes let alone stop and come face to face with the pain.

Everything about deployment is painful and truly awful! All we can do is hold on for dear life day by day in anticipation of his return. I find myself hating everyone and everything as it creeps closer. All I want to do is crawl in bed and stay there until it's all over. Unfortunately for me that's not an option. My children need me to pretend to be strong when the cloud arrives and takes daddy away from us for a long year. It's here and it hurts!